So,I've been abandonded by the boyfriend. And then informed the second he comes back to town, he will be leaving to go spend time with the same friend he is leaving with TODAY. I mean, REEEEALLY? AND he refuses to tell me ALL SORTS of things that I think I should know. HOW IRRITATING. Yeah, we'll see what HE gets for christmas.

I've gotten another drastic haircut. It's pretty drastic. But awesome.

I think I'm going to try and spend as much time out of the house this break as possible.

I'm also having problems. I should be having an emotional crisis. And I'm not. My little brother commited suicide almost two weeks ago, and I'm not the blubbering mess everyone thinks I should be. Everyone keeps saying, Oh, you're so strong. But heres the thing. I don't feel strong. I feel confused, because I should be a complete and total mess. I mean, my little brother killed himself. And I'm still buying christmas presents and going on with my life. I mean, sure, I'm kinda messed up about it, and I'm definitly sad; but I've come to terms with it? I can talk about him, go in his room, and it dosen't bother me. He wrote me a note that says he loves me. He did it to himself. It sure as hell wasn't an accident.

I probably know better than anyone on the planet excatly WHY he did it. Maybe thats why I'm not having fits? Because I refuse to hold it aginst him? Or because I don't have to worry about him anymore? That sounds horrible, but sometimes I really wondered if he could make it in 'real life.'

But I guess now it's not an issue. I'm going to miss him. But I still have to live my life, right?