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~perfect-alibi

tori muhl
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Reserve Judgement

Sun Dec 21, 2008, 8:37 PM
  • Mood: Guilty
  • Listening to: Jimmy Eat World
  • Reading: Slay and Rescue
  • Watching: Time go by
  • Playing: With Fire
  • Eating: My Words
  • Drinking: Melon Gatoraid
So,I've been abandonded by the boyfriend. And then informed the second he comes back to town, he will be leaving to go spend time with the same friend he is leaving with TODAY. I mean, REEEEALLY? AND he refuses to tell me ALL SORTS of things that I think I should know. HOW IRRITATING. Yeah, we'll see what HE gets for christmas.

I've gotten another drastic haircut. It's pretty drastic. But awesome.

I think I'm going to try and spend as much time out of the house this break as possible.

I'm also having problems. I should be having an emotional crisis. And I'm not. My little brother commited suicide almost two weeks ago, and I'm not the blubbering mess everyone thinks I should be. Everyone keeps saying, Oh, you're so strong. But heres the thing. I don't feel strong. I feel confused, because I should be a complete and total mess. I mean, my little brother killed himself. And I'm still buying christmas presents and going on with my life. I mean, sure, I'm kinda messed up about it, and I'm definitly sad; but I've come to terms with it? I can talk about him, go in his room, and it dosen't bother me. He wrote me a note that says he loves me. He did it to himself. It sure as hell wasn't an accident.

I probably know better than anyone on the planet excatly WHY he did it. Maybe thats why I'm not having fits? Because I refuse to hold it aginst him? Or because I don't have to worry about him anymore? That sounds horrible, but sometimes I really wondered if he could make it in 'real life.'

But I guess now it's not an issue. I'm going to miss him. But I still have to live my life, right?

4 Comments

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:iconpsychosis-syndrome:
~Psychosis-Syndrome Dec 21, 2008, 10:09:29 PM
That's sad to hear about your brother. I was much the same way when my grandpa died last year. Sure, I was sad. But the more I dwelled on it, the more depressed I got. It was just better to remember the good times and not that he was gone.

But yeah, your boyfriend is sounding like an ass. Is his "friend" a girl?

--
And hold on, hold tight, open daylight, we will overcome /

Open your eyes, over the new sight, fly the Flags of Dawn - Flags of Dawn by Thrice
:iconnekokawai:
~nekokawai Dec 22, 2008, 12:22:19 AM
I don't know your b/f but I would think that if my significant other just lost a sibling I would try to spend as much time with them as I can because you would come to the conclusion that time isn't something you just waste.

Anyhow, I just know you from your writing and maybe one day you'll have a good cry and then you'll move on. Sometimes it takes a little time for things to catch up to us. I little part of me is sad for you, I'm really sorry. <3

--
FAQ #56: How can I get more pageviews?


"Everyone is different, no two people are not on fire."

"Cigarettes are like candy, only on fire."
:iconperfect-alibi:
~perfect-alibi Dec 22, 2008, 7:12:54 AM
Thank you, doll. Thats what I'm thinking, I guess? Like I just have to wait til it hits me and then I can have my emotional breakdown. Oh joy, right?

<3

--
And I would totally be a shakespeare groupie,
if, you know,
he wasn't all dead and stuff.
:iconperfect-alibi:
~perfect-alibi Dec 22, 2008, 7:16:27 AM
Yeah, After the depressing service my mom had for him at the church that we never go to, my dad threw party at his house where we re-hashed all the hilarious stories about him. and it was good.

No, the friend is not a girl, it's a college buddy that lives in Ohio. And I'm not so much miffed about the Colorado trip, that's been planned. But he did say we were going to hang out, but then Thomas came to town, and then WHOOSH went our plans. Tenative plans. Like I said. We'll see what he's getting for Xmas. ^-^

--
And I would totally be a shakespeare groupie,
if, you know,
he wasn't all dead and stuff.
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